Surprise! You're on Colin Camera!
by Tiny Q
Summary: A twisted tale of what happens when Colin Creevey becomes completely and utterly bored. Featuring: Secret rendezvous, 5th years getting high, bickering, and the profs getting utterly wasted!


Title: Surprise! You're on Colin Camera!

Author: Tiny Q

E-Mail: one_legged_lesbian_seagull@hotmail.com

A/N: Eeehehehe! This little creation came about when I was making an add for my site. It truly is a little odd, but oh well! All I have to say is poor little Colin Creevey, that simple character everyone loves. Or they better love. ~Looks threateningly~ Just kidding! Well yes! I only claim the plot to be mine! Everything else is someone else's and they live in some other country than mine! Or at least I think- You know what? Just read the story!

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Surprise! You're on Colin Camera!

Colin Creevey was bored. And not just bored but bored out of his mind! It was a Saturday in the middle of January. It was too cold to go outside and the student body was not allowed to go to Hogsmead for another two weeks. Everyone Colin knew was doing their homework (or so they said) and since he had finished his own the night before he had nothing to do.

He was sitting in the half empty Gryffindor Common Room idly looking at the studious students. Clutched in his hands was his beautiful camera. It's cool metal reassured him that everything was alright. 

He began to knock his feet together to a song that was playing in his head. (_Slave_ by Britney Spears. Whenever he heard it, he couldn't help but move along with it.) After a few minutes he noticed that the other students in the room were glaring at him angrily.

"Sorry," he muttered sheepishly, making his legs go still. He mentally sighed and wished something would happen.

It was at this moment that his good friend, Ginny Weasley, came down from the girls dorm room. She looked around the Common Room then quickly darted to the portrait hole and disappeared through it. Colin looked around. No one seemed to notice she had left. 

'Now where is she off to?' he wondered, getting up and traveling along the same path. Unlike when Ginny left, Colin heard a collective sigh of relief from the remaining students in the room. Colin ignored them.

Having nothing better to do, Colin decided to follow Ginny. She was his friend after all. She wouldn't mind. She had been bored out of her mind before. She knew what it was like.

With this in mind he followed after the red head girl. (At a safe distance mind you. Even if she would understand why Colin was following her, she was still a Weasley and had a nasty temper to boot.) After a few moments he followed her to a deserted hall where no one ever really went.

'Why on earth did she come here?' he wondered as she disappeared around a bend in the hall. Colin walked up as quietly as possible and poked his head around. What he saw made his jaw drop.

Ginny was tangled into the arms of a boy with platinum blonde hair and they were snogging each other senseless. At first he moved to leave but then a thought struck him. 'There's no one in our year with hair like that,' he thought. Curiosity got the best of him like a cat about to stick its claw into an electric socket, wondering what will happen. He pulled his camera up to his eye and peered through the lens. The two of them were ten times larger now and after a moment he got a clear view of the who the boy was. 

In his surprise, poor Colin pressed the shutter button on his camera and with a flash captured the image. The two people broke apart and looked around until the blonde's eyes fell on Colin.

"What the hell are you doing, Creevey," Draco Malfoy growled and Ginny spun around.

"Colin?!" she gasped, going extremely red in the face. "Did you just- You aren't going to- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" she finally shrieked.

'This is it,' Colin thought in a panic. 'A Malfoy and a Weasley teaming up to get _me_. I'm done for. And I don't even have a will . . .' Instead of voicing his worries, Colin instead said: "Um . . . surprise? You're on Colin Camera?" With that said, and seeing the raw furry in both of the lovebirds' eyes, he turned and b-lined out of there.

"Draco! No!" he heard Ginny shout from around the corner and put on an extra burst of speed.

After a few minutes of running and looking worriedly behind himself, Colin began to think that maybe they weren't chasing him after all. He hadn't seen either of them to begin with and began to feel rather stupid as he wheezed for breath. (He had never been the athletic type)

It took a moment but he finally managed to get his breathing back to normal. He looked around and realized that he was before the library. Glancing behind himself once again to make sure no one had chased him down the hall after all, he walked into the library, idly wondering about what had just happened. 

'Surprise? You're on Colin Camera?' he asked himself. 'No. It's more like: Surprise! You're on Colin Camera!' he thought with a grin of satisfaction at his little jingle. 'Sounds familiar though . . .' he thought but was distracted from his thoughts by the sight of Harry Potter sneaking out of the library. He didn't seem to notice Coil however and crept past him. 

Colin was about to follow him when he stopped short. 'What am I doing?' he thought. 'What business is it of mine what Harry does?' He paused for a moment,. Thinking of the trouble he had already gotten into for following someone. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized he had never had so much fun! The hunt, the discovery and finally: a wonderful picture as his prize! So what if his subjects got a little mad?

With this new epiphany in mind, he turned with the intentions of following The Boy Who Lived. The sound of angry shouting, however, distracted him from his goal. Glancing back at the head table in the library, Colin realized that Madame Pince was absent from her usual post. 'That's odd,' he thought them turned and headed towards, what he now recognized to be, an argument near the back of the library. Come to think about it, that had been where Harry had come from.

Camera at the ready, Colin approached the sound silently. The closer he got the more familiar the voices became until he was standing just out of sight of the bickering pair. 'Ron and Hermione at it again,' he thought with a smirk.

"No, Ron, I do not think we should have gone after him," Colin heard Hermione hiss. "It's _your _fault he left!"

"How so?!" Ron demanded back. "_You_ started the argument in the first place!"

"No! You stated it!"

"You!"

"You!!"

Heart racing, he held his camera to his right eye and waited for the perfect moment to strike. Now I would just like to add, to all you lovely readers, that Colin is _very_ bored. And sometimes, when people are bored, reality doesn't get perceived correctly in order to become a source of entertainment. So has our little Colin Creevey's reality been perceived incorrectly. I will now continue:

"Snap!" his camera said, interrupting the torrent of "YOU!"s through the otherwise silent library. (Well not including Ron and Hermione's bickering, but that's beside the point.) The both of them turned instantly towards him, shocked looks on their faces.

"Colin?!" they both gasped simultaneously, then looked at each other in annoyance. 

"Surpirse!" he chirped. "You're on Colin Camera!" With that, he turned and ran out of the library.

'I can't believe I just did that!" he thought in disbelief. 'It's totally insane! Daft! Crazy!' He paused his running for a moment at a 'T' in the hall. Deciding to go left he continued to run. 'They're going to all hunt me down! They're going to call me Crazy Colin, like Mad-eye Moody! They're going to take my camera away!" With this thought he stopped running and looked down at his precious camera.

'Not my camera!' he mentally gasped and began to stroke it. 

"My Precious. My Precious," he said soothingly to it. "I won't let them harm you, my Precious." Alright! Enough of that! Too much like Gollum, thank you _very_ much! Queue giggling . . . now!

Happy giggling caused Colin to stop praising his _inanimate _object and turn towards the sound. It seemed to be coming from the abandoned classroom to his right. His face creased with curiosity, he quietly entered the room and felt his eyes widen as he saw there were people in the corner, completely oblivious to his presence.

"Here Harry, let me light that for you," Seamus Finnigan said, holding up his wand. In Harry's hand was a small roll of white paper, which Colin suspected was more than simple paper. 

"Uh, that's alright Seamus," Harry said slowly, moving the object closer to his chest as thought it was a child. "Last time you tried that, my eyebrows didn't grow back for three weeks." Dean Thomas burst into a fit of giddy giggles, which Colin recognized as the ones he had first heard.

"He's right Seamus!" he gasped, holding his own dooby. "They didn't. I can still remember the look on Hermione's face when she saw him! Priceless!" He burst into another fit of giggles, Seamus, all the while looking at him sourly.

Harry let out a laugh of his own, pulling out a lighter and lighting the roll of paper between his fingers. Brining it to his lips, he took a long drag.

"You know Harry," Seamus said after a moment, pulling a roll of weed from behind his ear and lighting it with Harry's lighter. "They should call you Harry Pothead, not Potter," They all burst into fits of laughter after which they all took a long drag from their respective joints.

"Snap!" Colin's Camera rang through the empty classroom. All three boys turned and looked at him with startled expressions, Dean's joint falling to the ground. 

"Surprise! You're on Colin Camera!" Colin shouted then rushed out of the room, trying unsuccessfully to hold back his laughter. 'What luck!' he thought gleefully. 'Fifth years smoking up!'

He ran down various halls, turning left and right at random, having a feeling the three of them weren't following. He slowed down to a walk and began to search for him next victim. He knew he was probably making more enemies than friends by doing this, but he didn't really care. It was SO much fun!

Now in reality, nothing more should have happened in one day for Colin to take a picture of. Things happen in threes you see and he has already taken three pictures. But just for the sake of a good story _and_ the fact that this is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we'll let that little technicality slide . . .

Rounding a corner to his right, Colin heard the telltale sound of music. It was coming from the other end of the hall. Grinning like a crazed maniac at the thought of another prized picture, Colin practically skipped over to the door. 

The music was Muggle. Now this would have been odd at anywhere in the school, but it was even odder because it was coming out of the professors' conference room. 'Why would the professors be listening to N*Sync?' he wondered silently to himself, arching his right eyebrow. He could also hear giddy voices behind the door.

Reaching out with his right hand, Colin clasped the doorknob. He began to turn it when reality struck him. 'What the heck am I doing?' he demanded of himself. 'These are professors I'm about to mess with. _Professors_! There could be serious repercussions to this. Seriously now, what _am_ I thinking.' He paused and thought about what he _was _thinking. Then finding he was becoming bored once again, (Poor Colin, I think he has ADD or something like that) opened the door, camera ready.

"Snap!" the camera sang, causing all the professors of Hogwarts to freeze in their tracks. Some were on the tables, others on the floor, some dancing, some sitting. Yet there was a common theme among them all. A bottle of some form of alcohol clasped in each hand. (For Hagrid it was a tankard) Colin's eyes grew wide, while the professors stared back in a similar fashion. 

"Surprise! You're on Colin Camera . . ." He began cheerfully, then realizing that he had made a terrible mistake, trailed off. He stood there a moment hoping that perhaps if he didn't move they wouldn't see him. Poor misguided child.

"I say," Snape said in a drunken drawl. "Perhaps we should stop that student before that evidence causes us to lose our jobs."

"Neh," McGonagall said dismissively, waving her hand at the Slytherin Head of House. "Voldemort is going to destroy the magical world anyways, why not let us spend the rest of it unemployed?"

There was a chorus of "Here, here!"s and Colin began to sigh in relief. He wasn't going to get in trouble. They were all far to drunk. 

"Nope," Dumbledore said suddenly. Everyone turned to look at him. Even when they were drunk they still respected the Headmaster. Quite admirable if you ask me. "We must stop him and keep our jobs. We need them to stop Voldemort and restore peace to the magical world!" Everyone burst into cheers and then as one unanimous group, turned to Colin.

Colin blinked. 'So close,' he thought weakly then turned and ran like Satan himself was on his heels. Which he was if you thought about it. Not in a literal sense of course. But the professors you see- Oh just keep reading!

"Get him!" a professor screamed and soon the whole of Hogwart's staff was stumbling to their feet, out the door and after the petrified student now at the end of the hall. 

"AHHHHHH!" Colin screamed on the tops of his lungs, running wildly. He didn't know where to go. The teachers knew every inch of this school. Well most of it anyway. They were going to find him and take away his camera! 

Running as fast as his little legs would carry him, Colin skidded around a corner and realized he was in the Entrance Hall. 'FREEDOM!' his mind screamed and he scurried towards the Main Doors. He didn't care if it was cold out or that it was the middle of January or that-

"There he is!" Someone called just to his left, interrupting his thoughts. Colin turned and saw Ginny and Malfoy running at top speed towards him.

"Get him!" Ginny shrieked. "My brothers _can't_ see that picture! I'll die!" Malfoy picked up speed as though the thought of his girlfriend's possible death gave him all the more energy. Which it had.

"Can't see what, Gin?" Ron demanded, running towards Colin from his right. Colin's head flashed back and forth between the two pairs that were running towards him. 'They're going to get me!' he thought desperately. 

It was at this moment that the professors arrived on the scene. And the Boy Who Lived along with his high companions. The first from behind, the latter from before.

"He's trapped!" someone called from the mob as they closed in around a now thoroughly petrified fourth year Gryffindor. Sweat was dripping down his back and he was panting and looking around crazily. He had to get out! He had to save his camera! He had to eat supper! Oops! That's what I have to do. Sorry.

"Stop!" Colin screamed on the tops of his lungs. They didn't stop in their approach. "Please stop!" They continued to ignore him, approaching like zombies, eyes fixed on the camera. 'This is it,' he thought in disbelief. 'I'm dead.'

"Colin!" someone screamed from the staircase. Colin looked over and almost cried with happiness. His brother Dennis was standing there looking worriedly at his brother. "Toss me the camera! I'll run for it!"

Desperately looking at the mob closing in on him, Colin kissed his camera hard. "You know Dennis. It will all be alright in a minute!" he whispered to it. Then taking aim, tossed the camera into the air. 

It sailed clear past the mob who stopped in their approach and looked up as it sailed over head. It landed smoothly in Colin's brother's hands. 'Safe,' Colin thought with a sigh, then looked expectantly at his brother for him to run. Instead of running, a horrible, twisted smile distorted his face and he raised the camera above his head.

"Die you instrument of evil! DIE!" Dennis shrieked, bursting into a fit of hysterical laughter. He then brought the camera smashing to the ground.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Colin screamed in absolute horror.

"COLIN!" Something hard struck his face. He opened his eyes and looked around him. He was no longer in the Entrance Hall surrounded by a mob of angry students and drunken professors, but in the Gryffindor Common Room. The students who had been there before were looking at him in annoyance. Harry Potter was standing over him. He had slapped him in the face.

"Harry!" he said happily, rising to his feet. He felt his camera hit him softly in the chest as he rose. "It was a dream! It was all a dream!"

"What was a dream?" Harry asked in confusion.

"The angry mob that was going to take my camera away!" He said breathlessly. The students in the room rolled their eyes and once again attempted to return to their studies.

"What are you talking about?" Harry asked in confusion. "They sent me in here to get you."

"What?!" Colin gasped, now noticing the redness in the other boy's eyes. 

It hadn't been a dream. Or had it??

~*~

A/N: HA HA HA! Ok! I know it made now fucking sense WHAT so ever! HA HA HA! Too priceless though! Much thankies for actually reading it! ~Falls off computer chair laughing hysterically~


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